Am I really a different person? Is the me everyone used to know dead?

I have been told time and time again by, let’s just call him Bob so he stays anonymous, that I am not the person he met. That I am a completely different person and he wishes I used to be that person again. Unfortunately, I don’t know who that person was that I used to be and I will never go back. I guess the person he thought I was, was just a young, stupid, naive little girl that would always put everyone else before her.

That little girl is gone now and there is no going back. No matter how much he wishes, I am much stronger than I used to be. What happened to that innocent little girl? After going through a series of events over the past nine or ten years she has had to close her heart off to the world in order to be who she is now. Yes, I’m apparently a cold hearted bitch now, which I can’t seem to see considering that no matter how much of a “bitch” I am, I’m also kind. At this point I just think it’s easier not to feel anything or else I would be spending everyday crying and feeling like I’m in despair.

Is it so wrong for me to want to be happy for once in my life? Is it wrong for me to want to break away from everything that makes me feel like I’m being held back? For me, time has stopped and I’m just in waiting with a changed attitude towards everything. I’ll be honest, when time finally starts to move again for me, I’m going to be terrified of how to move forward with my life because even after the reason I moved away was to be free from one cage, I somehow ended up in another secluded from the world once more. Someday I’ll finally be free and hopefully someday I won’t be as afraid of the world anymore.

I guess if you look at the person I am now compared to how I used to be, no one would be able to recognize me. I guess that little girl I used to be really is dead. All I know is that I refuse to ever change for anyone. The way I see it is, “If you don’t like me as I am now, feel free to walk away and don’t waste my time. If you can accept me for who I am with all my broken parts, then please stay and we’ll be good friends.”

2 thoughts on “Am I really a different person? Is the me everyone used to know dead?

  1. People change as they age. For “Bob” to not know that even though he is so much older than you is mind boggling. Its a natural order of things. If you were the same person you were 10 years ago, there would be something very very wrong. Thats why its called “maturing”.

    • That’s right. But you have to remember “Bob” has a mental disability and he thinks the world should be as he sees it in his eyes. He fears change but unfortunately for him that is an inevitability.

      Made me laugh yesterday when we got into an argument, he said, “every time you’re talking to someone else I always see glimpses of the girl I met. Why do you act like that with their people but not me?” I thought to myself technically it is me but i don’t give a shit how he wants me to be towards him so I told him, “it’s just a cover. Why do I need to show anyone else what I’m like around you? Don’t you think there are plenty of reasons why I’m so cold towards you?”

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