School & Mental Health

Well, I made a positive mental health decision today by dropping out of the [very] condensed Summer Semester. What started it is that I started looking over the assignments that I would need to be doing for next week (when classes were set to start) and quickly realized that I would have to read anywhere from 4 to 5 chapters in a single week.

Some of you might not be aware of what that means, but what that does mean, is that there would be absolutely no time to do homework (the proper way) while also working full-time. So essentially I would have to be jumping through my ass to make sure my assignments were done on time as well as to make sure I was getting my moneys worth out of school by actually trying to do the homework the right way ie) not cheating or cutting corners.

In short, the summer semester hasn’t even started yet and I was getting overwhelmed with it already just by reading over the material of what would be due in the coming weeks…

For example, during Week One I would have had to read four chapters in a week on top of doing two assignments – while working full-time. You do the math and tell me when exactly I would have time to do my homework… After work? No, because I am only allotted about four hours after work and it would’ve surely taken a lot longer than that to wade through some of the intense academic reading material. You might not be aware but reading a textbook is torture in itself. Then add on additional homework assignments in a condensed environment and you’ve got yourself a mental break down waiting to happen. It might be easy for someone who works part-time to pull off and may even be fairly doable for someone who doesn’t work at all… But for someone who works full-time, it would be near impossible.

The school that I’m currently going to is unique in that their semesters during the Spring and Fall are four months long (the normal length of time) but during the Summer you only get about one month to two months to learn everything that you would normally get four months to learn. So everything during the summer semester is extremely condensed and extremely stressful. Now I understand why most people don’t attend the summer semester at the school. It all makes sense now.

Literally, I would have been given four weeks to read about 16 chapters in the textbook, do all the homework assignments for the week, study for all of the weekly exams that are worth 100 points each, and work on an individual project that was worth 300 points (and by the way you only had a month to do the intensive project in itself) on top of performing my chores around the house and somehow eating to stay alive – oh yeah, and let’s not forget going to the gym each night because that goal is still happening. Further still, all of that would’ve been added onto my plate PLUS add an ADDITIONAL class (yes that’s right two classes during the summer semester) with additional homework, assignments, and exams… etc…

In short, there would be NO WAY IN HELL that any normal functioning person (that works full-time) would be able to pull it off successfully without having to cut corners or cheat along the lines. And since I’m not that type of person, I decided that it was best to drop out of the summer semester both for my mental health and my peace of mind. I’m already in the process of trying to get over my alcohol and drug abuse, I don’t need to add anymore drama to the “Crazy Pot”.

Now this doesn’t mean that graduate school is completely out of the equation, I still fully intend on attending the fall semester. But if this is going to be my first impression of what graduate school is like, I need to at least give myself my best chance to succeed. Attending a 4 month semester that is only a month long (because its condensed) is the complete opposite of that. My first impression of graduate school, had I attended the summer semester, would have been a very negative experience and I probably would not have ended up attending the fall semester after that awful experience – because I know myself well enough to know how I may act in the future given certain stimuli.

So although I regret dropping the classes at this point in time, I know that it was most likely the best decision for myself (and my family, now they don’t have to put up with my moods). I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would not have been able to succeed in the ways that I would want to have a succeeded in both of those classes.

So here’s to looking at you Fall 2018 semester, I’m coming for you and I’m going to be ready.